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If I let one student interrupt my lecture with a question, then I'll have to let others, and before long, there won't be any time left for my lecture.

"We've got to stop them from banning pornography. Once they start banning one form of literature, they will never stop. Next thing you know, they will be burning all the books!"- The Nizkor Project

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You should cancel the exam; this will give me a chance to relax and enjoy the weekend.

"Mister, can you give me some change to buy a sandwich? I'm so thirst, I don't know where I'll find a place to sleep tonight."- A Whiskey Soaked Panhandler

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A couple of blonde hunters are out in the woods when one of them suddenly falls down. She doesn't seem to be breathing, her eyes are rolled up. The other blonde whips out her cell phone and dials 911. She gasps to the operator, "I think my friend is dead!

I live by syllogisms. God is love, love is blind, Stevie wonder is blind; therefore Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe if it wasn't for that."- Stephen Colbert

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"Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."-Matthew 10:37

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Louise is running for class president. In her campaign speech she says, "My opponent does not deserve to win. She is a smoker and she cheated on her boyfriend last year."

A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting

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