| FROM THE PULPIT | I CAN DO THIS | ASPIRATIONS AND INSPIRATIONS | OTHER DUTIES AS ASSIGNED |
|---|---|---|---|
|
WHAT IS STEVE KIMMEL'S
PRONUNCIATION OF BIZARRE?
BRASSIERE
|
WHAT DID PASTOR STEVE GLUE
TOGETHER WHEN DOING A HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECT?
ALL OF THE FINGERS ON
HIS RIGHT HAND. |
WHAT ARE ICE CREAM SANDWICHES
STACKED BY PASTOR STEVE TO UNSUCCESSFULLY COMPETE IN THE MEN'S SUNDAY NIGHT CAKE BAKING CONTEST?
THIS FORM OF ICE CREAM CAN BE
TAKEN OUT OF THE BOX AND CONSIDERED A COMPETITIVE RECIPE. |
WHAT IS THE NUMBER OF SERMONS
PASTOR STEVE HAS PREACHED IN 22 YEARS?
2,150.
|
|
WHAT DOES THE CHOIR SAY
TO PASTOR STEVE?
WE'VE GOT YOUR BACK.
|
WHAT DID PASTOR STEVE USE
TO SEPARATE HIS FINGERS AFTER GLUING THEM TOGETHER?
POCKET KNIFE
|
WHAT ARE THINGS WE RECYCLE
IN THE CHURCH?
JOKES, SERMONS, DEACONS.
|
WHAT THE PASTOR USES TO
MEMORIZE NAMES OF 1,000 MEMBERS?
THE CHURCH DIRECTORY.
|
|
WHAT IS THE PREACHER'S
PRONUNCIATION OF "DEVIL"?
DUAL
|
WHAT DOES PASTOR STEVE DO
WHEN HE IS BLEEDING FROM A HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECT ACCIDENT?
DRIVING HIMSELF TO
THE EMERGENCY ROOM. |
WHO ARE THE PEOPLE STEVE KIMMEL
ALWAYS TRIED TO BEAT IN THE JONQUIL JOG, BUT COULDN'T?
BOB TILLMAN, STEVE MCDANIEL,
AND DALE KIMMEL. |
HOW MANY GIFTS OF FEEDBACK
AND ADVICE DOES PASTOR STEVE RECEIVE ON MONDAY MORNING?
100 PHONE CALLS AND EMAILS.
|
|
WHAT IS THE SERMON QUOTE
"I'M AFRAID THAT MANY CHRISTIANS WILL SLIDE INTO HEAVEN ON THEIR BUT'S?
THE PREACHER TALKING DIRTY.
|
WHAT ARE PASTOR STEVE'S CELL
PHONE, HIS SHOPPING TRIPS, AND HIS DARK HAIR?
NONEXISTENT
|
WHO IS PASTOR KIMMEL?
THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN
GET LOST AT THE BILLY GRAHAM CRUSADE IN ATLANTA. |
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE PASTOR
STEVE TO CHANGE FROM HIS SUIT TO KHAKIS BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND SERVICE?
7 MINUTES.
|
|
WHAT IS THE PUNCH LINE
TO A CORNY SERMON JOKE?
ONCE SHAVED BY GRACE,
ALWAYS SHAVED. |
WHAT IS THE PASTOR'S IDEA OF FUN?
ZIPLINES, CONDUCTING UNDERWATER
WEDDINGS, 100-MILE BIKE TRIPS AND THE HIGH DIVE. |
WHAT IS THE FIRST BAPTIST
CHURCH OF SMYRNA?
THE MOST BLESSED CHURCH IN
GEORGIA FROM 1991 TO 2014. |
WHAT ARE THINGS THAT
NEVER HAPPENED?
SUNRISE SERVICE, CAR WASH
FUNDRAISERS, THE PASTOR SINGING A SOLO. |
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