This coach once changed the phrase "low pad level" to "low hip level"

This player looks like Fregley from a Diary of a Wimpy Kid found the weight room

This player got fired from Taco John's for being too sunburnt

This coach went to school at St. John's before cell phones were invented and during the Vietnam war

This player refuses to wear a shirt at Sal's and can rip the splits at a moments notice

This player brings up his hometown in every conversation

This coach is known as the "monopoly man" or the "slum lord" for his ownership of property in St. Joseph

This player has never worn shorts above the knees

This player has 24/7 swass and an occasional borderline offensive odor

This receiver led the Dallas Cowboys in yards last season

This coach could crush a watermelon with his calves

This player wears extra small football gloves and runs like an angry toddler

This player looks like he has a mortgage, 3 kids, and a 9 to 5

This coach is built like Cinnamon from the Apple Jacks commercials

This player is avidly invested in ornithology (birdwatching) and also has a solid barrel

This player has the diet/food taste of a 6 year old